What if the very things that make you yearn for more - the things about other people's lives that make you achy the way looking at pictures of Georgia O'Keeffe in Abiqui or Jane Goodall in the jungle make me... what if those things were the pointers to the life you wanted?
What if you started backing yourself and listening to the tiny voice of those yearnings, the whispers of the soul that say "This way, come on darling, this way" and took action. What if we followed those signposts - not as things that made holes in our lives and made us feel worth-less than we are, but like our pathway to where we were meant to be.
Each of us have different signposts. My Uncle goes all gooey at the thought of stationary engines. My husband loves the thought of a long hard walk up hills in the rain. Find the things that make you ache and yearn and follow up on them. Follow that scent like a bloodhound.
Little by little as you follow those callings you begin to build experiences that create the life you have always yearned for and before you know it, even in the midst of the mundane, you find yourself living a rich life.
There I was, being a woman who was worthy of a daughter's tender ministrations. A woman who was trying to kick her own deeply ingrained martyr lineage so that resting when I was sick was a smarter choice than soldiering on like a dying swan and spreading my germs hither and yon. A woman who wanted lemon and ginger tea over a glass of wine (although there are days believe me). A woman who makes good silver jewellery and is proud to wear it. A woman who reads cards and strengthens her intuition daily. Who is a loyal friend and nourishes herself from a rich smorgasbord of wisdom. An artist. A mother. A whole-maker.
In that moment I realised that it was good to have heroines like Ms O'Keeffe and Dr Estes. They help me to continue to believe that it is possible to be all that I dream of... But in that moment I realised I was becoming one of my own heroines.
And although as of 3:26 on this rainy Tuesday I haven't managed to save the world yet, I know I am a damnside closer to it than I was when I kept turning away the things that called to me because I thought I was unworthy.
What calls you? What might you be capable of if you listen and take those yearnings seriously?