turning up bravely

today i hang my first ever solo exhibition

i have been up for hours.  

listening to the the stories about how i have no qualifications to do this.  I have little skill.  I don't know what i am doing.

i feel scared

i mean my work is going up on the wall to be judged by all who wander in there.

Sure the opening i have delineated - inviting only people who will celebrate with me.  But after that...

Little pieces of my heart are up there on the wall.  There i am saying "this is the best i have"  No fall back position, no excuse.

It is terrifying.

"I am scared. I STAND UP." By Colin McCahon.

And yet, in the words of Colin McCahon... "I am scared.  I STAND UP."

I may be shitting myself and the voice of the "who do you think you are?" chorus is raised in shrill cacophony.

I may be a bit shaky and yet to tie final strings on the back of works and put prices on things (oh yes i hear how those few words raise the volume of the chorus).

I may be wondering why the hell i said yes to this chance.

And yet i know.

I stand up because i get only one go at this life.
I stand up because i have an obligation to speak what i know to be true in the world.  For myself and for those who need to hear so that they too can stand up.
I stand up because i am given gifts of loving insight from somewhere both inside and outside myself and and i am disrespectful if i hide that here in my little room

I am scared

I stand up.

wish me luck.

i am going in.